Bottle It Up

[apassingafternoon]

Kaine didn't see Nariko after she returned to the palace. There would have been something oddly poignant about sharing the entire experience, speaking a bit frankly about it, but Kaine wanted to hold it to herself for a little while longer. In the end that was for the best. Sekht and Fyra's wedding was held in the morning and they all stood for it and then danced for it. Everything should have been goddamn peachy. There was no more pressure or tension in her general atmosphere, just the understandable, acceptable level of regret and acceptance. Kaine could deal with that.

What she couldn't fucking deal with was Nariko. Oh, sure, she smiled and clapped and when Sekht playfully asked her for a dance but every warning sign in the book was on full display. Her smile was hollow, her polite manner far too restrained. The natural ease that she'd found with Roland was nowhere to be found, in fact she seemed far too content with pretending he wasn't even anywhere near her. And maybe the obnoxious sleeves of her shirt - it was fucking insane that anyone could be unaffected by this heat - hid her left hand but Kaine saw the black chord around her neck and in that voiceless, deep way she had always possessed when it came to Nariko, Kaine knew that the other woman's wedding ring was hiding underneath her clothes.

This was some bullshit and Kaine, free of her nervousness and caution, was real fucking tired of pussyfooting around here.

So the wedding party continued but Kaine wasn't around to enjoy the latter half of it. She had dragged Nariko off and then returned alone.

Livid didn't begin to describe how she felt. But she made her way over to Bert anyway, jaw clenched tight and her arms folded even tighter.

"I need you to do something for me."

Comments

[askthelookout]

Bert had been enjoying himself a fair amount, learning dance moves off some rather genial locals and teaching some of Gilead's dances in return. When he saw Kaine heading towards him, he was busily gyrating in Alain's direction, laughing and flushed. His laughter died on his lips, though, when he saw her expression, and although he smiled and joked as he excused himself from the little group he'd gathered around him, his smile was gone as soon as he came to meet her.

"You'll have to be more specific," he said, with a little shrug. "What is it?"

[apassingafternoon]

For an instant she felt bad about interrupting his good time but it did nothing to soften her to the situation as a whole. Relaxing her shoulders took physical effort but she did it in order to take money from the pocket of her obnoxiously tiny shorts. "This is about eighty bucks, it's enough to buy a kitten from the pet shop that's around the corner from where we were yesterday." Where they had awesome sex. That's what that meant!

"I need you to buy a cute one and give it to Nariko. She's in the room at the end of the hall, not Roland's." She held it out to him while trying to force her body to relax. "And just be nice to her, please. Just make sure she gets it and let me know she hasn't offed herself. It doesn't have to be right this second," He really had been enjoying himself after all. "But maybe soon." Because of the aforementioned concern here.

[askthelookout]

He looked down at the money, then up to her again. "And the reason I'm taking this, and not you, is...?" It wasn't meant to be a criticism, just genuine lack of understanding. "I hope you're not expecting me to give her an insight into the Roland situation. I had to hear about it from Alain, and you can be damned sure Roland didn't tell him out loud." He raked one hand back through his sweaty hair, frowning. "I'm not saying I won't do it. I'm just saying... me? Really? Because as I recall, most of the last few times I've opened my mouth it's only been to switch feet."

[apassingafternoon]

"Because I don't want anything else thrown at my head, her aim is ridiculous and I am only so fast." To say that Nariko hadn't agreed with Kaine's take on the situation was a gross, unbelievable understatement. "She'll get over it, but for now it's better that I stay away for a few more hours and try again later. I'm sure Nariko would chew her arm off before saying it to your face but you're attractive and, yes, you suck at talking to her but who doesn't want a cute guy showing up with an equally cute animal? Besides, you're the only one she's gone out of her way for anyway, might as well use it all to my advantage if I can."

Of course she was leaving out the next person on her list. Kaine and Roland had about as much success as Cuthbert and Nariko did. In a way this would keep Bert busy while she had a little chat with his 'dinh'. "Besides, no one can turn down you and cute, innocent furry animals. That's just life. Your hair really brings it together." Just in case he needed a reminder that it was one of her favorite parts of him.

[askthelookout]

"Your obsession with my hair can't be healthy," Bert commented lightly, but he nodded, giving her a smile as reassuring as he could muster. "I'll take care of it. Just don't be surprised if I panic and start making dumb jokes about what an ass Roland is." Shrugging, he touched her arm briefly and raised an eyebrow. "If you talk to Roland, don't make those jokes. Man has no sense of humour."

[apassingafternoon]

"I think if you can get her to laugh or even vaguely open up I'll wear the smallest skirt in any known world and strip for you, Bert." Because offering sexual fun in exchange for handling emotional situations was completely normal.

"Believe me, everything I plan on saying will be very direct, nothing else." She leaned up to kiss him short and sweet, her smile finally as genuine as it was stressed. "Thank you."

[askthelookout]

He quirked an eyebrow. "Now there's an incentive," he murmured, and kissed her back, tracing his thumb over the line of her jaw. "Anyroad, tell me if he says anything too stupid. I'll black his eye for you. Fuck knows he needs it sometimes." He was mostly joking. Mostly.

Straightening up, he pushed his hair back again, nodding to her. "Kitten. Nariko. Get her to smile. I'm on it." Another brief kiss, and he headed off into the crowd, darting through the press of dancers.

He was as good as his word, too. Nor did he waste any time; it was maybe half an hour at most before he knocked on Nariko's door, trying to balance a little ginger cat in one arm and stop it from batting at his hair.

I basically redid everything I am sorry for all the notifications!!

[gunslingerqueen]

Kaine was more than sure Roland would say something obnoxious, but she was prepared and that had to count for something. They both left at the same time, him in one direction and Kaine in another. Nariko remained exactly as she was despite Bert's knocking sometime later. From the other side Nariko stared at the wooden door and then resolved herself to answer the damn thing. Her eyes were red rimmed but her expression was even, though she raised a brow at the cat and who held it.

"I feel like this is some inside joke that I'm not aware of." The only other person whose presence would make even less sense was Roland himself. "And why do you have a cat?" And why was it adorable and tiny? She tilted her head a bit, a vague little habit that put her new hairstyle on display. Most all of that ankle-length hair was now chopped off, it barely crossed the line of her shoulders and still appeared a bit uneven. She was talented with a gun, a sewing needle, and drinks, but not scissors.

no worries!

[askthelookout]

"She's a present," Bert said gravely, holding the cat out. It mewed plaintively, and he raised one eyebrow at it, then looked back up at Nariko. "Kaine said you might need something to cheer you up, and I've been sent as an emissary. I think it's because if you throw things at me, I can dodge," he added cheekily, flashing her a grin, then shook his head. "I'm also here to offer my services as someone to badmouth Roland to. As someone else who loves him and knows just what a bedamned ass he is."

[gunslingerqueen]

A present that greatly preferred Bert, apparently. Nariko stared at the little ball of fluff but ultimately couldn't help herself. She took it from him and let it sit awkwardly on her chest while her fingers petted just behind its little ears. Upset or not she could feel herself relaxing. She could be mad at Roland, at herself, at her parents, but never something so cute and innocent. It was some weird mental trigger.

"It's because she knows that trying to force me to do anything doesn't work. She's making it all into something it doesn't need to be and I have a right to be upset about it." But that was also between herself and Kaine, there was no pulling Bert into it so she let he topic go and stepped back to let him in..

"More importantly, what is there to badmouth? He's being himself and I was the idiot. A lot of this is my fault." Which, of course, was what had infuriated Kaine so much. "Now the four of you are back together." Nariko shrugged but for such a short gesture it seemed as depressed as she felt. She kept playing with the kitten, though, letting it gnaw on her fingers. "If that makes you all happy then I don't think it's the world ending affair Kaine does."

[askthelookout]

"Oh, come now." Bert wagged his finger, shaking his head. "There's always something to badmouth about Roland. Here, I'll start. He's grumpy and moody and trying to get him to feel human emotion is like trying to make a brick wall smile. Oh, and he never washes behind his ears." Nudging the door closed behind him as he stepped in, he slung an arm companionably around her shoulders. "I can probably think of some more things to complain about if you let me. You should probably shut me up."

[gunslingerqueen]

Surely the universe was on its rightful axis if Bert could still coax the tiniest of smiles out of her, even if she did bite the inside of her cheek to drown it. The sudden closeness was ... Odd, but if he wasn't overdoing himself then Nariko couldn't complain. Their newest addition, who she had now deemed as 'Sonia', crawled up her shoulder and meowed at Bert.

"I might not have known about the ear thing. Does being irritated at trying to even vaguely talk to him fall under the human emotion umbrella?" That's her hesitant contribution. "Or feeling like a complete failure for wanting to ask for help or at least maybe not deal with multiple assholes by yourself? Or telling him to his face that something is a bad idea and one person's life isn't worth hundreds so why ignore that to begin with?"

Okay, there was all of that, too.

[askthelookout]

"God and the Man Jesus, tell me about it!" Bert grinned, although there was a certain brittleness to his cheerful tone. "Last time we had to have that conversation with him, I had to punch him right in the face to get him to listen. Not that I'm saying it wasn't satisfying, kennit?" He laughed, reaching over to scratch the kitten between the ears. "And that thing he does, where he gives you that look and you feel six inches tall? I'll tell you a secret, Nariko, learnt through twenty years of suffering; half the time when he does that, it's only because he has no idea what he's doing and he's too proud to say so."

[gunslingerqueen]

"I think a lot of things can be filed under that." Because for as hardheaded as Roland could be, he wasn't going to have all the answers but when you were raised to lead everyone, when that felt most natural ... It was difficult to let go of that. Nariko understood that quite well.

"Bert," Sonia purred while attempting to sit on Nariko while still maintaining Bert's attention. That this cat was immediately reminding her of Kaine now was just eerie. "Why are you doing this?" Because of Kaine, because of Roland in some odd way, or maybe because he was just bored. Those were the only explanations she could come up with.

[askthelookout]

"Depends. You want the easy answer or the true one?" Bert pulled a face, petting Sonia's ears. "The kitten was definitely Kaine's idea, if that's what you're asking. She gave me the money for it and everything."

[gunslingerqueen]

"Of course it was her idea, no one else knows my weakness for small animals that are ultimately dependent on me. That, and she needed some way to apologize without actually saying the words." And, of course, she chose Bert instead of Alain, Bert instead of Fyra or even Sekht. There was a reason for that, too, because Kaine rarely did anything without an explanation. Whether it made sense or not was usually the grand question.

"In fact, I'm sure she promised you something in exchange, but even so that isn't really enough to get you here is it?"

[askthelookout]

"I could have guessed it," Bert said brightly, and shook his head, scraping his hands back through his hair. His smile faded. "Look. Truth be told, I've got a problem with you and Susan both. Both of you love him, and you keep hurting him, and I know neither of you ever wanted to, but fuck. But here's the thing... I love him too. I know what a fucking ass he is, and how much it hurts to care about him, and if you tell him I breathed one word of this, I am taking the kitten back." It was an attempt at humour, but it fell rather flat. Sighing, he flopped back against the doorframe, looking her up and down. "Point is, you're hurting him. He's hurting you. Susan's hurting both of you, and she's getting hurt back. And Kaine's grumpy and Alain's getting a headache, and for fuck's sake, all this over Roland's existence?"

He pulled a face, looking away. "Wish I could say I didn't understand it."

[gunslingerqueen]

Since he didn't have his arm around her anymore Nariko sat on the end of her bed, ignoring Sonia's disdainful whining.

"I know all of that," Not in an 'I know that so why are you wasting time repeating it' manner, it was more along the lines of 'I know that very well and you probably needed to say it to me'. "I thought that stepping out of it might help you as much as it would him. Maybe it's easier to fix whatever is between you and Roland if there isn't some random woman in the way, I don't know. Relationships are weird. Though, for the record, Susan isn't doing anything to me. It's not really anyone's fault that he and I don't fit together, that I can't get him to do what it is you need him to."

Fuck's sake, she wanted to cry again. "And if that was an answer it was a strange one."

[askthelookout]

"Okay, then here's my answer." He took a deep breath, and with an effort, stripped away all those easy surface layers of humour and lightness and simple emotion. Spoke to her frankly, as he rarely did even to Roland or Alain. "I can't give him what he needs. Nor can she, not when all he sees looking at her is his own fuck-ups and the pyre she burnt on. We're... look, I don't understand it." His fists clenched at his sides, nails biting into the skin. He didn't look at her, but at the floor, a simmering intensity in his dark eyes. "We're too close. We're bound up with his ka, him and his fucking Tower. He needs something else, something that's not just his stupid fucking quest and the tragedy he's built himself." His jaw shifted a little under the skin, and he unclenched his fists, closed them again, looked up at the ceiling. "He used to smile. Not often, but he did. He was ever the serious one, but he joked, and he laughed at my clowning, and he was soft sometimes. And he cried. After Hambry, it was like all that dried up out of him. The only times I've seen him smile in five years or more have been with you. He loves you, and I love him, and that means this is my business, too." He wetted his lips, looking back at her with eyes almost as intense as Roland's could be. "And in case you're wondering, that's not me making you stay with him. I just..." Shrug. "You're not Susan. You give him something he needs. I dunno what it is, but you do."

[gunslingerqueen]

Somewhere along the way she'd given up on petting Sonia and simply listened. Whether he looked at her or not it seemed impossible to focus on anything but Bert. Seeing him without that layer of defensive, warding humor was as unnerving as it was monumental. It wasn't difficult to see why Kaine was so hopelessly enamored with him.

"I suppose it doesn't help any but I have no idea what that is. Couldn't spot it even if my life was on the line." A big part of her wanted to completely refute the idea. What in the worlds could she give Roland? Except for more work and trouble. "Aside from the part about ka," Because h was probably right with that one. "I don't think you're close enough."

She looked down at the kitten on her lap and played with its ears. "No one can make me stay except myself and I'm …" Now she shrugged, laughing humorlessly. "I'm here, aren't I?" But it wasn't the same, and that was a little bit of the problem.

[askthelookout]

"I kennit." Bert shrugged, scraping his hair off his face with both hands. "You're here. He's out there. You're both just stubborn enough and just blind enough to let it stay that way. And that's not fair. I'm supposed to be the stubbornly blind one around here." And just like that, the humour was back, light and cheery; he pulled a face, laced his hands back behind his head, and rolled his eyes. "So, you kennit. That's my reason."

[gunslingerqueen]

It was always a little difficult to believe that humor but this time Nariko allowed herself to smile along with it. "It's a good reason." Not that her opinion counted for much in this exact situation, but it felt as if some kind of response was necessary. She was quiet for a minute and then added, "So if you had control over all of this, what would you have us do? So you can go back to being the stubbornly blind one."

And while it may not have been exactly the same as a smile there was a kind of relief in being able to talk freely. Bert was far better at talking than Kaine or Roland had been, though the latter probably wasn't anything to be proud of.

[askthelookout]

"If I had control over all of it?" Bert pulled a face. "That's not a power I'd want, thankee. But here's the thing. For your sake, I'd have you stay. We who go with him, we'll die. Most likely painfully, certainly young. Only..." Sighing, he grimaced. "For him, I'd have you stay. And for me. If only because it's the only way Kaine might come along with us." He blushed as he said it, scuffing his foot in a very teenaged way.

[gunslingerqueen]

She couldn't help a very soft laugh at that. She didn't want to embarrass him but, honestly, he just looked strangely cute in that moment. Well, cuter technically, since Bert was already obnoxiously good looking. "I figured she would have something to do with it, but you shouldn't worry about that. She only wanted to stay here because she thought you weren't interested anymore. It took you both too damn long to just go through with it. I should have sat and had a talk with the both of you."

But they'd figured it out so nothing else really mattered. "I told Roland before that I would go with him and I intend to, but I do need to settle my family before I go off on an insane quest that we both know will likely kill me." She snorted humorlessly, rolling her eyes. "Which is fine, I mean, hell, I tried to off myself in Gabrielle's room, if I couldn't pull it off there then even I have to accept that ka has something to do with this." And that was a very begrudging admittance. "Anyway, what I mean to say is that I was always coming along, I just didn't think it would be good to be married with her around. I can't be jealous of you because you're in a completely different league, but her?" Another snort, here. "Women are dangerous when they feel competitive."

It was a very polite way of saying that she didn't think Susan had anything on her aside from Roland's built up ideals, which were a force by themselves. "If he thought that I wasn't going to come along then it was just a misunderstanding. Even if he does end up with her I'm not going anywhere. Kaine needs you, and I need Kaine. Just don't tell her I said that, or she'll suggest uncomfortable scenarios."

[askthelookout]

"She always was dangerous," Bert said after a moment, grimacing. "Mind if I sit down?" He didn't wait for an answer, striding over to flop down next to her. "Honestly, I think that's half the reason Ro' fell for her. You ever notice how he spends his whole life going down the path of most resistance? The one woman in the whole of Mejis he needed not to fuck, and he fucked her. Nothing against her, she made big sacrifices for us, but, hells..."

He fell silent for a moment, chewing on the inside of his cheek, then said thoughtfully, "She's a good woman. She's suffered a lot, and she's come through it kind enough, which is more than can be said for most of us. But you're right. If there's one person more likely to hate you for having Roland's heart than I am, it's sai Delgado." Again, his hand scraped back through his hair. "But right now, Ro' thinks you're going to leave him out of some kind of pity, and you know how he hates to be pitied. And Susan, I don't even know what she wants. But the tension's so thick it's like breathing molasses, and I can't take much more of this. Also, I'm curious about those uncomfortable scenarios."