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Love Me Not

They had gone about the path Bert described to her. Nearly two weeks along the perimeter of Gilead and the caves that hid here and there. Each discovery was an exercise in mental torture because the traveling itself wasn't enough, apparently. They either found nothing or the remains of what was once a person, gunslinger or otherwise. Neither option was any lighter on a group of men so hopelessly entrenched in understandable suffering. Kaine wasn't exactly a bastion of sunshine by the end of the first week but she began to look up a little as they began to circle back. It hadn't been discussed one way or the other yet but she couldn't help they were going to set off for their real destination very soon and it was difficult to feel anything but relief in that.

At least she hid it well, even as they made their way back towards the hideout. Their first passover had been a tense affair because it only made sense to check. It was a strangely angled little shack on a particularly steep hill. It would be difficult for any survivor to make their way up there but far from impossible. But Kaine had raised a fit to the point of hysterics, insisting that it be ignored.

No matter the consequences of said decision she didn't expect to hear a series of familiar, high-pitched noises. She stopped dead cold, eyes widening.

"Bert, did you -" Did he hear that? She couldn't slam the question out in time before it sounded again. "Holy shit," A delirious sort of grin took over her face. "That's a Guardian!"

Kaine stuck her curled fingers into her mouth and gave back a different rhythm of whistles, but she didn't wait for approval to start moving towards that disgusting shack.

Bottle It Up

Kaine didn't see Nariko after she returned to the palace. There would have been something oddly poignant about sharing the entire experience, speaking a bit frankly about it, but Kaine wanted to hold it to herself for a little while longer. In the end that was for the best. Sekht and Fyra's wedding was held in the morning and they all stood for it and then danced for it. Everything should have been goddamn peachy. There was no more pressure or tension in her general atmosphere, just the understandable, acceptable level of regret and acceptance. Kaine could deal with that.

What she couldn't fucking deal with was Nariko. Oh, sure, she smiled and clapped and when Sekht playfully asked her for a dance but every warning sign in the book was on full display. Her smile was hollow, her polite manner far too restrained. The natural ease that she'd found with Roland was nowhere to be found, in fact she seemed far too content with pretending he wasn't even anywhere near her. And maybe the obnoxious sleeves of her shirt - it was fucking insane that anyone could be unaffected by this heat - hid her left hand but Kaine saw the black chord around her neck and in that voiceless, deep way she had always possessed when it came to Nariko, Kaine knew that the other woman's wedding ring was hiding underneath her clothes.

This was some bullshit and Kaine, free of her nervousness and caution, was real fucking tired of pussyfooting around here.

So the wedding party continued but Kaine wasn't around to enjoy the latter half of it. She had dragged Nariko off and then returned alone.

Livid didn't begin to describe how she felt. But she made her way over to Bert anyway, jaw clenched tight and her arms folded even tighter.

"I need you to do something for me."

Fu re ru

Alain was having none of their shit and that was just by the mere virtue of being completely and utterly out of it. Kaine had thought it would be alright to use an extra drop or two but ... Well, it was that or his own exhaustion that kept him out of it. For as much as Kaine wanted to lie around and ignore everyone, tend to her house and hardly the people inside of it Nariko had a point. They were to rest for a week before moving on. The quicker they dealt with the out of the way errands the sooner she could sit in her room for as long as Nariko would allow before inevitably dragging her back out.

Which explained why they were on the road to The Village, or Arpagio as it was now known. The name changed was ridiculous (Aelious must have somehow gotten his way) but Kaine accepted it with a shrug. The journey was a boring one for her, she stuck to Nariko's side a bit tighter, more anxiously than usual but otherwise kept her words to a minimum. She didn't feel like talking, didn't even feel like going anywhere near town and the last thing she wanted was to even heart Cuthbert's voice, which she had already spent the morning blocking out. And yet he somehow felt well enough to come along. Fantastic.

The doors pushed open in their rhythmic fashion and her first question of the day was directed at Roland even though she didn't bother with looking over at him.

"What are we here for again?" They had barely taken two steps in and she was already quite tired of everything, and it showed in her voice, and the fold of her arms over her stomach. If her oversized sweater and skinny jeans didn't make that just as clear then nothing else would.

between two points

The journey was largely uneventful.

They passed some angry yaks and Kaine's 'skirt' fell off and she squealed before she fumbled it back on but that was about the extent of things. It took the entire afternoon and the sun had long fallen by the time her home/little compound made itself known, even against the mountains. Just as she had thought the lights were on inside and her animals made their familiar, happy shuffling noises. Shivering, Kaine didn't bother to explain a damn thing just yet, no matter how many questions might linger on Alain and Cuthbert's tongues. She undid the strings to her gate to let them in and then quickly closed and retied it from the other side to help keep the wolves out.

As they traveled up the little stone path to her door Kaine could smell dinner and suddenly she knew with frightening clarity that Roland and Nariko hadn't gone anywhere. Maybe into town but returning to Roland's world wasn't currently on their mind. That didn't bother her but she knew it would only further aggravate Bert who was already in a shit mood and poor Alain who was in pain and shouldn't have been traveling at all.

Kaine opened her door and sighed even as she heard a gun unholstering and knew from its soft whistle that it was Nariko's.

"You're not shooting me in my own fucking house," Kaine said, raising a brow at her best friend. Her ex-lover. "... How did you even find a dress that tight?"

Because it was certainly that, a rich blue and figure hugging, paired well with her dark hair left down, too genuinely Nariko-ish for Kaine to believe this was some odd dream she was still having in the corners of her brain. They were here and Nariko was alive. Roland was alive. Kaine couldn't see the telltale ring on either of them. That crazy bitch-god had kept her word and brought her back, let Roland go find her. Kaine had never believed in anything but even though her expression remained deadpan she suddenly wanted to praise any God that might listen to her.

"Wei." Nariko answered but her voice was thin and uncomprehending. "Why are you - how?" Her eyes darted to Alain and Cuthbert as if unable to fully understand their existence, Kaine could clearly see her friend trying to puzzle out what the hell was going on but she gave up halfway through. Her gun went back to the table and Kaine gave up before she started and let herself be pulled back into those familiar, warm arms, the protective grip.

"I'm home." She didn't know if anyone heard it, didn't really care. Shit was going to hit her own fan, but Kaine earned these few seconds.

Don't Leave Home

The day before Claude had shown up at the doorstep Nariko had been something of a mess. It was true that she had always been a mess, had been since her grandmother died, since the feeling of being abandoned had begun to eat away at her in a manner that Kaine couldn't do anything about. After all, Nariko didn't feel abandoned by her best friend, and Nariko wasn't here to confirm what was happening. In a sense Kaine didn't need it. They'd had an extra day, she had the morning with Bert to let him sleep in a little while before people came looking for him and he needed to be woken up. She took her place just behind, beside him, and tried to do her best.

But that feeling of being a mess, of something bad coming this way had been unbearable. It had forced her to make sure that Yonah was fed, all of her things were gathered up into one big bag and ... She found somewhere to hide her. It was off in lower town with Eunyce, Kaine had argued with her often but in this they seemed to be of the same mind. If something terrible happened Eunyce would take the baby back and run to Arcadia, if everything panned out Eunyce would come back with Yonah and they would figure out some way to move forward. Of course the younger cousin hadn't enjoyed the idea of leaving her family alone on the battlefield, especially with her skills, Eunyce had agreed. Though Kaine didn't feel right saying it out loud they both knew that baby was important to the one person they had in common. She was worth protecting above all else.

As the beating started up Kaine found herself relieved that soon Eunyce would be gone with baby Yonah who, despite how much she tried to avoid it, instantly reminded her of Nariko.

Kaine didn't know these people, didn't know Farson, the history, the need to fight this until the last instant.

She knew she wanted to live above everything else, and that she needed to find Bert.

hail of arrows

To graduate from utter silence to the constant roar of Gilead was something else. Though she had been here for over a week now, and would stay for much longer, Kaine was not used to the constant noise. Even at night it felt as if she could hear every shuffle of bodies in sheets and night clothes, every fuck whether positive or not, and all those conversations that were never suited for daylight. It all made sleeping outside difficult, but even lying beside Nariko didn't make it any easier to deal with the walls all around her. They were suffocating. At night and in the day, they threatened to drive Kaine out of her mind.

So she took to wandering around because there wasn't fuck else to do around here, not for her.

Which might have explained catching sight of him towards an edge, around a corner. The specifics weren't relevant, that Kaine saw Bert and spun on her worn down heel and followed him was relevant. It should have also been worrying for her, this unnatural and constant fascination that was tempered by the occasional bout of good sense felt odd. It was a ... Not a problem, but not exactly good. Crushes on men that you hardly knew, that hid the way Cuthbert did, that never let her finish talking the way Cuthbert did couldn't end well.

She followed anyway, and not with any real ounce of subtlety or control. Eventually one of them would have to say something and in her own way she knew he might take that responsibility first. So she followed, and even if Kaine happened to be wrong he was pretty interesting to stare at anyway. Maybe it was the hair.