hail of arrows
Feb. 18th, 2015 12:20 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
To graduate from utter silence to the constant roar of Gilead was something else. Though she had been here for over a week now, and would stay for much longer, Kaine was not used to the constant noise. Even at night it felt as if she could hear every shuffle of bodies in sheets and night clothes, every fuck whether positive or not, and all those conversations that were never suited for daylight. It all made sleeping outside difficult, but even lying beside Nariko didn't make it any easier to deal with the walls all around her. They were suffocating. At night and in the day, they threatened to drive Kaine out of her mind.
So she took to wandering around because there wasn't fuck else to do around here, not for her.
Which might have explained catching sight of him towards an edge, around a corner. The specifics weren't relevant, that Kaine saw Bert and spun on her worn down heel and followed him was relevant. It should have also been worrying for her, this unnatural and constant fascination that was tempered by the occasional bout of good sense felt odd. It was a ... Not a problem, but not exactly good. Crushes on men that you hardly knew, that hid the way Cuthbert did, that never let her finish talking the way Cuthbert did couldn't end well.
She followed anyway, and not with any real ounce of subtlety or control. Eventually one of them would have to say something and in her own way she knew he might take that responsibility first. So she followed, and even if Kaine happened to be wrong he was pretty interesting to stare at anyway. Maybe it was the hair.
So she took to wandering around because there wasn't fuck else to do around here, not for her.
Which might have explained catching sight of him towards an edge, around a corner. The specifics weren't relevant, that Kaine saw Bert and spun on her worn down heel and followed him was relevant. It should have also been worrying for her, this unnatural and constant fascination that was tempered by the occasional bout of good sense felt odd. It was a ... Not a problem, but not exactly good. Crushes on men that you hardly knew, that hid the way Cuthbert did, that never let her finish talking the way Cuthbert did couldn't end well.
She followed anyway, and not with any real ounce of subtlety or control. Eventually one of them would have to say something and in her own way she knew he might take that responsibility first. So she followed, and even if Kaine happened to be wrong he was pretty interesting to stare at anyway. Maybe it was the hair.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-21 11:48 pm (UTC)"You would probably love where I come from, then! We have two suns, a gigantic moon, and stars all over the place. In fact, I'm pretty sure we have more." It wasn't any matter of pride, she really happened to believe it. "In the low season, the shade lights come out, and they're kind of like ... A night rainbow. It's really beautiful."
And even though the images brought a smile to her face Kaine still didn't really miss the place, she only wished she could show it to Cuthbert. For pure, friend related reasons. But it was that thought that allowed her to take another drink as she finished her meal and plated it simply. "Granted, it's also pretty difficult to sleep through if you're sensitive to that kind of thing." And speaking of sensitive - It was no surprise that she colored easily, at even the slightest matters, in fact. A part of that was genetics, and her slightly pale skin, so there was no hiding the presence of it crawling up her neck and towards her ears. And that was just from one full drink!
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 12:15 am (UTC)And, frankly, not an experience he envied. Leave the wanderlust to Roland; Cuthbert would follow him where he was led, but he wasn't the one who longed for strange lands and different skies. Truth be told, he was tied too strongly to home for him to want to journey for its own sake. But, looking at the expression on her face, he thought maybe it might be worth it, in that case.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 12:29 am (UTC)"It was terrifying." Not just odd, not even intimidating or concerning. It was absolutely terrifying and in very many ways that had yet to change. She couldn't seem to get a handle on how people spoke which was quite aggravating given how many books she had read and despite all the times she had daydreamed about going somewhere new and far away. "In fact, I was the one that nearly had a breakdown over the whole thing. To hear a story is one thing, to live even half of what has gone on?" She shook her head, "I think it almost drove me insane."
This was one of the very few matters that remained known but unspoken between herself and Nariko, who had accepted it all quite simply and with only the brief appearance of nightmares and sleeplessness. "I thought I would be so much happier if I was anywhere that people didn't know me, even if I could still see their fates."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 12:58 am (UTC)The almost being driven insane, though... that he could understand. He'd experienced it himself, in Hambry and since, that feeling that everything was out of place and couldn't possibly be real. How much worse to have that feeling in an entirely different world?
He took a long drink of wine when she'd finished talking, draining his glass. "...Can you?" he asked, after a moment. "Still see their fates?"
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 01:13 am (UTC)"No," She answered him after swallowing her mouthful behind gently crooked fingers. "I could probably see Claude', but that only makes sense." So if he was concerned that she might see how long he had to live then there was no need for it, her vision was perfectly normal. "It only seems to work with people from my home. Even when Nariko showed up I couldn't see anything around her, either."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 01:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 01:43 am (UTC)"Can I have some more?" Wine, and she tipped her cup in hand to make her request clear. "And is it alright if I ask what it is, exactly, that Alain can do?" Of course it was a something. Nariko had felt it the moment she saw him and Kaine understood why. He wasn't Wrong or even unsettling, there was just a ... Something about him.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 01:54 am (UTC)"It's called the Touch," he said, when he was done. "A kind of magic, you could say. I have it a little, too, but with me it's more of... a sense, I guess? Of people, of their feelings and their needs and their wants. A lot of people have it the way I do. Roland," he added, a little wryly, "has absolutely nothing. Which might be why he's quite such an ass. But Alain's something else." He took a mouthful of his wine, leaning up against the table. "He's not a wizard or anything. Which, given the wizards we've known, is something of a relief. But what some of us feel a little, he feels all the time. He can reach out with it, too, direct it, sometimes even hear what people are thinking. He says it comes in flashes. I say if my mind did that, I'd only let it happen in flashes, too."
He pulled a face, looking down into his wine. "There's a lot of stories about it, and I don't really get it. But I guess he's just more attuned to things than the rest of us. Useful for the rest of us, but I can't imagine it's much fun for him."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 02:41 am (UTC)"It doesn't seem like it would be, and he seems very nice despite it. Lesser men would probably be basket cases." She paused just to think on it. Feeling all the time, feeling other people all the time. Kaine could barely stand to feel herself most of the time.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 03:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 03:25 am (UTC)"It must be nice to know each other like that, right?" She popped one of the potatoes in her mouth and damn near missed, but didn't appear to notice. "Sure, I have stories about weird animals and keys and lady crushes, but you? You always have people to come back to! And an interestingly named horse."
Because that mattered, too!
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 04:02 am (UTC)He pulled a face, aware that he might be coming across as a little smug, and took another draught of wine. "Do you know what 'ka-tet' means? One from many. I don't know how much I believe in ka and destiny and all that crap, that's Roland's department. But we're one, all right. That's why I couldn't help hating Susan a little. She took a big part of him. Of us." He looked down at his wine, suddenly morose. "And now Nariko gets the rest."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 04:16 am (UTC)Snorting gently, Kaine shook her head. "This is why I don't get - why you're so worried about it? Men sort of terrify me but Roland's not really that bad but he's not, ahh," She waved both hands, trying to make some kind of gesture that might explain her thoughts. "You're all like this," She put both hands together in an empty circle as if that would clearly explain ka/an-tet, "But then she's over here, this way," One hand freed itself from a ring to becoming her two first fingers, greatly separated from her other hand. "Roland will always be this," ka/an-tet, "While Nariko will always be this." She waved her fingers around a little but they didn't go near the other hand until both dropped in a full shrug.
"One from many doesn't sound like something that can ever be fractured or even taken away from. Maybe something changes, but that's not the same as losing. Everyone changes. But people like Nariko and I don't get to be ka-anything. She's said as much multiple times, especially in the context of you and Roland. I can't say I don't agree with her."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 04:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 05:07 am (UTC)"An-tet implies some transparency, some amount of honesty, and that's the last thing we have between one another." And for so many reasons she quickly moved on from that lovely comment. "In any case, I know it isn't at all simple but I suppose if you think she might tell you the truth, then you should ask her what she thinks of all that. You'll see what I mean, then." Right now she wouldn't be able to explain, and maybe couldn't even in a normal state because she ultimately agreed. People who had spent their lives alone or feeling isolated - even if they were part of a grand, intricate scheme - would never fully integrate into a group no matter what the omniscient force happened to be. Nariko had long convinced herself that she would always be second to Roland, and so by default she had already closed a large part of herself off from Roland. Kaine found a loophole from her fate, from her own pain, but she was still unable to connect with anyone in any meaningful way.
Really, it was all an obnoxious mess. "Anyway. Ducks."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 05:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 05:31 am (UTC)For as upset as Kaine happened to be with her friend over particular matters that predated Roland, Cuthbert, and really all of Gilead, she knew when to shut her mouth. Those things felt private, reserved, away from the rest of the world. If ka tried to insist that Kaine share those intimate matters then ka could fuck off because ducks.
"And I feel warm." She should, considering that her face and neck had graduated into a full, almost-strawberry red . "Possibly I should ... Not drink anymore."
Said while she tipped the cup past her lips.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 07:44 pm (UTC)"Come on," he said, after a moment. "We should get out from under the cooks' feet."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 08:07 pm (UTC)Kaine could walk herself just fine! She only leaned to the right just a bit, just slightly off the center, and if she needed to be sharp and in control then she would be but right now it was a non-threatening, easy state to be in.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 08:39 pm (UTC)"Well, there went a carefully-cultured friendship," he said cheerily, and held the door open for her on the way out. "I'd make a comment about women, only I'm a little worried you'd rearrange my face for me. And I can't be having that. Not a face as beautiful as mine!"
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 09:26 pm (UTC)She half patted his shoulder in a way that was probably meant to be comforting in some strange way. "I am not sure any comments about women make sense for me! Say what you will. And your face is very pretty."
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 10:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 10:54 pm (UTC)She said it very simply, without upset or self-deprecation. None of that really applied to her but it was what she'd managed to see in other women in both worlds. Even Nariko, with all of her physical beauty, exhibited the same mannerisms and it had always been out of a deeply rooted fear that a lot of women appeared to share. It was one detail Kaine had been grateful to sidestep.
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 11:21 pm (UTC)Screwing his face up, he held out one hand for the bottle. "Wine?"
no subject
Date: 2015-02-22 11:31 pm (UTC)She poured for him and then herself, her color only intensifying with each passing moment. "It's stupid. And complicated. And really fucking stupid. All of it." But even Kaine hadn't been able to avoid it so there was still that.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: