Fu re ru

[apassingafternoon]

Alain was having none of their shit and that was just by the mere virtue of being completely and utterly out of it. Kaine had thought it would be alright to use an extra drop or two but ... Well, it was that or his own exhaustion that kept him out of it. For as much as Kaine wanted to lie around and ignore everyone, tend to her house and hardly the people inside of it Nariko had a point. They were to rest for a week before moving on. The quicker they dealt with the out of the way errands the sooner she could sit in her room for as long as Nariko would allow before inevitably dragging her back out.

Which explained why they were on the road to The Village, or Arpagio as it was now known. The name changed was ridiculous (Aelious must have somehow gotten his way) but Kaine accepted it with a shrug. The journey was a boring one for her, she stuck to Nariko's side a bit tighter, more anxiously than usual but otherwise kept her words to a minimum. She didn't feel like talking, didn't even feel like going anywhere near town and the last thing she wanted was to even heart Cuthbert's voice, which she had already spent the morning blocking out. And yet he somehow felt well enough to come along. Fantastic.

The doors pushed open in their rhythmic fashion and her first question of the day was directed at Roland even though she didn't bother with looking over at him.

"What are we here for again?" They had barely taken two steps in and she was already quite tired of everything, and it showed in her voice, and the fold of her arms over her stomach. If her oversized sweater and skinny jeans didn't make that just as clear then nothing else would.

Comments

[apassingafternoon]

"... Boys are weird." Kaine muttered to herself while they went about their strange, relationship oriented ritual that was probably unique to them to begin with. In a way she understood it but she and Nariko had never patched over an awkward series of events by punching each other. They petted hair and asked if someone else needed to be punched so that it was easier to get away with.

But whatever.

"This way." The nearest trash can stood just beside the steps that would lead up to the immense library. Kaine dumped everything in except for the glass bowls. Someone would come by and pick them up before the end of the day, and once that was done she lead him the rest of the way. When they stood on the cracked marble, surrounded by books from floor to ceiling, she only raised her arms. "Book central! Can you imagine how strange it was to leave this?" From a land full of books and paper to a place with hardly any of it.

In an entirely different part of town Nariko had yet to realize anyone was following her, much less Roland. She made it beyond the arch into town and then immediately snapped to the right. Between the wall itself and the stairs that led up top was an alley, thankfully left empty, and as soon as she was relatively out of sight she stopped and leaned against the wall. "Fuck."

How do we wanna do this? New thread? Split threads?

[askthelookout]

Cuthbert had been sauntering along behind her, but, like Roland had before him, he stopped dead when he saw the library. After a moment, he let out a low whistle. "He wasn't joking," he said, looking up at the high shelves. "Forget creaming himself, if Vannay were here to see this, I think he'd have given himself a heart attack out of sheer excitement." Laughing, a low little sound in his throat, he tucked his thumbs into his pockets and swung his weight back onto his heels. "I mean, I saw your books back at the house. You're telling me this is normal here?"

It made a lot of sense, actually. The trash they'd just thrown away would have been valuable enough in Mid-World that he'd had to restrain himself from asking her what the hell she was doing to throw it away. This was a different place. Different customs, different resources.

But to see it so openly and so clearly different was still like a punch in the gut. He remembered the great library of Gilead, which besides this looked like a children's schoolroom, and there was a harsh pang of homesickness to ameliorate his wonder.

Shaking it off, he looked at her with a crooked little smile. "Maybe it makes sense how remarkable you are, coming from a place this remarkable itself."

[apassingafternoon]

Though she was sincerely tempted to head right up and knock on Matilda's door Kaine lingered, and had the great misfortune of facing Bert as he went and said that. She bit her lip even as her face exploded in a familiar, deep shade that seemed vibrant against her pale skin. It was the most horrid curse in the world to be so prone to blushing. "'Remarkable', right, ha ha, I get it." He was messing with her in that way that he seemed to mess with a lot of different things. Smiling even when he felt like swallowing knives.

"We've always had books. Commerce and Farcade both manufacture paper out of trees and these strange plants, respectively. Most of them are kept here for safekeeping and Aelious lets people rent them out since there's usually only one copy of something. We have paper but we don't have a way to mass produce things like that. If you open any one of these you'll see that they're hand written." She pointed to the small markings on each end of a book case, it was how they classified everything.

"The books that are in my house are from Aerie. I found almost all of them after," She paused, and scuffed her shoes along the cracked ground, "… After I accidentally ripped it apart. It was the only place with another library like this one. Seemed a waste to just let them rot."

[askthelookout]

"Aye." He was still smiling, but it was a little sharper. "You have to salvage what you can, in this world and any other." But that was more serious than he was willing to go, so he shook it off, pulling a comical face. "'Course, there's also the bonus that if you rescue books, you've got an easy source of fuel if it all goes to shit. Am I going with you to talk to whatshername? Because this is all well and good, but I don't think I can read aught from this world, so there's better places to leave me, say true."

Her blush hadn't gone unnoticed. Nor had the fact that he thought she was joking, which he hadn't been. Overplaying it, perhaps - it was the only way he knew how to flirt, that almost-mocking suavity - but he had meant it. He almost told her so. But she wouldn't have believed him, and he'd had his fill of trying to figure such things out for now. They'd made it back to friendship. For now, he was more than happy to let it settle there.

[apassingafternoon]

"You can, it's just up here." Thinking of inane things like washing dishes and feeding the animals when she got back home helped to settle the unfortunate predicament of her dumb face. She rubbed at her own cheek as discreetly as possible while walking up the stairs. He was just messing around, that was how Bert was and yet it - It didn't feel like that somehow if she really made herself think about it. Not that it mattered. They were finally in a nice place, why mess it up.

When they made it up Kaine raised her curled fingers to knock on Matilda's but was forced to stop short, the woman herself was already on her own way out. Thankfully she stopped just in time and a full on collision was avoided.

"Kaine! I was wondering when you would come back! It's good to see you!" Said woman wasn't at all prepared for the hug she was wrapped up in, and Matilda, already in something of a rush, immediately noticed Bert and went right on to him. "And whose this? A new resident?"

"Not quite. Bert, this is Matilda, Arpagio's ambassador, or 'dinh' so to speak."

[askthelookout]

Bert bowed, polite for once. "Well met, sai. Long days and pleasant nights to you." Then, offering his hand to shake, "Cuthbert Allgood, son of Robert. I hear you've met Roland, my dinh. Stupidly tall, scowls a lot, face like he was hit with a brick? Ringing any bells?" Smiling gregariously, he leant back against the bannister, the very image of relaxation, and waved one hand. "Kaine wanted to talk to you, in case you were wondering. I'm only along for the ride."

[apassingafternoon]

Matilda nodded, she still didn't know the proper response so it was the best she could do at the moment. "You've found yourself a handsome one, too. You've certainly grown up in the last two years, I'm very impressed."

"Let's not - not go there, okay?" Kaine tried to wave that away with her hand before pressing on so that they could go back to the yak, and then home. "Wei said something about everyone 'seeing what we did for this town' or some variation of that? I wanted to ask you about it, that's all."

"Oh, that?" The elder woman disappeared into her office and came out with ... A triangle of all things. A glass triangle with a faint, dark purple hue to it. "Towards the end this showed up out of nowhere and, for lack of a better way to put it, it just showed us everything that went on. The fight, Claude, all that talk. The whole town saw everything." It was dropped into Kaine's palms. "We messed with it a little, but the worst it does is just show you whatever you want. You ask it to show you what you ate for breakfast and that's what it does! No lies, no glamouring. Is that it?"

Kaine stared at the thing in her grasp and looked vaguely befuddled by it all, more Matilda's quick desire to leave than the apparently magical device. "I - Yes? I think so?"

"Good! Now, I need to find my husband, lovely to meet you Cuthbert, take care of Kaine, as I'm sure you're all eager to return home! You make a lovely couple, just as much as Roland and Nariko!" And with that she was down the stairs. Kaine looked at the triangle, and then at Bert, repeated that process two times before making a very confused squawking noise. She meant to ask him what to do, but that didn't come out.

[askthelookout]

"Great. Just what we need." Cuthbert glared at the little glass triangle. "More magic and mystery. Because it's not bad enough that Al's been laid out by a book and Roland's had a demon rooting around in his head for years. No, it had to get more exciting, didn't it?" Pulling a face, he raked his hair back with both hands and straightened up away from the rail. Caught up in that thought as he was - and really, who could blame him, when he'd seen two-thirds of his ka-tet knocked flat by similar magics? - it took him a moment to register just how flustered she was.

It was probably a bad idea, but he couldn't resist a little teasing.

"She's right, you know," he commented lightly, turning to head down the stairs, and glanced back at Kaine with his dark eyes alight with humour. "We do make a very handsome couple."

[apassingafternoon]

What in the world.

What the fuck.

Why. Just -- Why!

Kaine glared at the glass thing as she held it with a little more confidence. Despite how fervently Bert already loathed it and how irritated Kaine was by how easily it reminded her of the pink thing that had apparently invaded Roland - hadn't that shown him things as well? - the object just sat there, as innocuous as an old paperweight. Just as she was beginning to return to normal, the cogs in her brain finally clearing off the rust and working properly he went and said that to her.

Yet again her face exploded into a display of red, and she didn't meet his eyes, only followed. "What's with you now? Is the sugar getting to your brain?" That was actually a logical explanation.

oh my god bert you are such an asshole

[askthelookout]

"Maybe I just think red's your colour," Bert suggested teasingly, and stuck his tongue out at her. "Or maybe I'm serious. You're pretty. I'm gorgeous. You have to admit, on a purely aesthetic basis, we would make a stunning pair."

He laughed openly and easily, just as if there was nothing darker lurking in that smile, and trailed his fingertips down the bannister as he tripped his way down the stairs. In all honesty, even he wasn't entirely sure of whether he'd been being remotely serious or not. It was a common problem, with him.

"Maybe it's not the sugar," he added, after a moment, and batted his eyelashes at her. "Maybe it's your intoxicating presence. Who knows?"

He is but she's trying to asshole back! Somehow! Kind of.

[apassingafternoon]

"On a purely aesthetic basis we are a good pair." Everything else largely remained to be seen. All signs pointed to the idea that they were kind of terrible at everything but looking relatively good standing in the same vicinity. He was good at making her blush, though Kaine wasn't entirely sure of what that counted for. "Who knows, indeed."

They made it back to the first floor and she tossed the glass between both hands, frowning lightly at it and absolutely refusing to look at Bert. He was just toying with her because he was still upset, she sort of had this theory that he might be out of options now, so he had to default to making fun of her, without knowing that it really sucked to hear the guy you liked complimenting you while not really meaning much of it. Because they were just friends and all.

"You know, I was going to say that if you wanted a break from Alain my room isn't very far off. But it really does sound like all those sweets have gone to your head. My presence certainly can't cause any of this by itself."

And, look at that! Her first attempt at ... Uh, something. Retaliation? Maybe not since it took nearly all the strength in her to say that much. That embarrassing redness was now creeping to her ears and neck.

bless

[askthelookout]

Bert looked back at her with a smile, one eyebrow rising. He looked amused, yes, but there was something else there as well, something almost thoughtful. And when he said, "You might be surprised," it was with a hidden kind of weight behind it. Of course, he immediately ruined it again by saying cheerfully, "Anyroad, I don't know if I should trust your judgement on this. Given how easily we know certain things to go to your head. Sugar. Wine. Compliments."

He cursed himself for that as soon as it was out of his mouth, unwitting cruelty that couldn't be taken back. But uming and ahing over it would only make matters worse, so, as usual, he let the worry slide off him as best he could. "Don't break that thing, will you? Gods know what's inside if it shows you visions and all that bullshit."

[apassingafternoon]

For just one second, one beautiful, rare instance it looked as if she might be taking him seriously. And, as a result of that Kaine might have found it in her to be a little more forthright, to believe the nice thing was saying until ... Until that. The worst of his venom sunk in the night prior so this was like brushing off a gnat by comparison. But even gnats could leave throbbing and temporary marks behind.

What else could she do but ignore it? Not a lot. He was just messing with her. Of course he would prefer to stay with Alain. Even giving the idea a voice had been a horrible idea. "What else am I going to do with it? You think every magical thing ever will kill you, and at least for very good reason, if I let this thing near Nariko she'll just look at every perceived mistake she's ever made and then drink herself to death. And I'm probably somewhat likely to do the same." As the guards opened the doors for them Kaine flinched at the sunlight, but took them towards the gate opposite of the one they'd entered.

"Of course I'm going to break it, Bert. It can't come back with us." And she'd gotten the answer she wanted so what use did it have now? No one would miss it.

boom. split thread for ya. :3

[toweredingly]

Roland hesitated, just for a moment, before following her. Even then, he stood at the mouth of the alleyway, hands in his pockets, scuffing his boot and looking far younger than he usually did.

It was a moment before he cleared his throat. Another moment before he actually found the words to go with it. "You'll forgive me being concerned."

Whoo!

[gunslingerqueen]

She tensed at the sound of his voice because, like an idiot, she thought it might have been someone else. Someone that needed to be shot. Nariko wiped at her eyes but when she turned around there was no hiding the wet of her eyes or the stains on her cheeks. At least he didn't have to be so alone in it, crying always made her look her age, too. It was horrible.

"What did you think I was going to do?" There was no irritation or implication in her words, rather a morose resignation, as if it was utterly horrible to have made Roland, of all people, feel concern.

[toweredingly]

"I hadn't thought that far," he said, quite frankly, and took a couple of steps towards her, holding out one hand as if she were a frightened animal. His eyes met hers, holding them, and he raised one eyebrow. He could have said some of the things that felt like they were needed: talk to me, let me hold you, don't leave me alone. But words had never been his strong suit. If she couldn't read it in his face and his manner, then it was probably because she wasn't in a place to, and telling her would do no good either.

Or something.

[gunslingerqueen]

Hadn't thought that far. That was exactly like him and of all things it set a pitiful, but genuinely grateful smile on her face. It wobbled at the edges as more tears threatened her, but it was better than nothing, right? Even though it required a half seconds hesitation on her part Nariko took his hand, a little weakly at first, as if she suddenly wasn't sure about this contact despite how often they had gone beyond mere handholding. But in true fashion that went away too and she didn't just hold onto Roland, she half-crashed right into all of that ridiculous height and strength. This was almost humiliating, to finally let him see her breaking down at the roots, but the idea of anything else, and the realization that, yes, she had left him to just Kaine and Bert made any other response impossible.

"This is all stupid! Kaine's terrified and Bert hates everything and I want to punch him in the face as much as I want to hold him and I can't do either because I'm the reason you weren't there! We weren't there! And I don't know how to help you either and that's the worst part of it!" Here she actually managed to sniffle, not that it matched her angry-sad tirade in the least. "Actually, no, the worst of it is knowing that I'm the single worst heir apparent in a line of twenty-eight others who are all rolling in their damn graves! My family is as good as dead because of me and a third of the one I've got here can't stand me! Fuck Farson and fuck wars and fuck everything that decided that everyone had to run instead of stay in their homes! Well and truly drive rusty, diseased nails up their veins and make them fucking suffer for every instant they are alive because even then it won't come near to how utterly horrible I feel and how badly I want to just shoot something and I can't!"

The more she spoke the more thoroughly her fingers clenched at the back of his clothing, borrowed or otherwise. Her tone bounced wildly between unbearable sorrow and thriving anger, and sometimes both versions came together so well that, much like her own feelings, there was no telling which made her cry or which made her shake even as she held onto him.

"And now I look stupid because I hate crying. I fucking loathe crying! I'm supposed to be helping everyone not blubbering like a goddamn idiot and I'm sort of freaked out about Chris, okay?" Those issues didn't go together at all but by now her brain was dumping out everything that needed to go. But it was apparently done for the time being because she took her head from his chest long enough to wipe her eyes, but then went right back to almost hiding herself. Ka help this man if he thought that he needed to do anything but stay right where he was. But speaking of that: "And if you tell me this is all some grand plan I'll dropkick you right here! It might be true but the grand plan is horrible and fucked up!" So just, y'know, pet her hair.

Or something.

[toweredingly]

He was silent for several moments, holding her close and almost absent-mindedly stroking her hair. At last, resting his chin on the top of her head, he said in a low voice, "It's not your duty to help Alain, or Bert. Or me, for that matter. That's my place, not yours." His fingers tangled for a moment in her hair, and he closed his eyes, breathing slow and steady, as if by being close he could pass on some of his hard-won steadiness.

He wasn't even going to touch her mention of Chris. Tomorrow, he promised himself. Tomorrow, that'll be one less thing she has to worry about. Even if part of him wanted to stride off to the gaol right this moment and put a shell through the man's head, he had the sense to know that was a terrible idea. If only because she seemed to need him here. If only because he needed her here, too.

"I'm the one who brought you and your kin to Gilead," he reminded her instead, not pulling away. "And the one who chose to follow you here. It was my choice. My responsibility. Grieve for it, but don't carry it as your own." It isn't as though it's so great a burden to carry, he added silently, with a black kind of humour, not when it's on top of all those generations since the Eld, lost under my watch.

[gunslingerqueen]

Without creating too much space between them Nariko allowed one of her arms free because otherwise she couldn't vaguely punch his good side. Then again it had no right to be called a punch, it was a vague tap with the smallest bit of force behind it. "Don't be a jerk. Caring for people isn't a duty, and doing my best to mind what my husband needs isn't a duty either." That was something else entirely and they both likely knew what. The last time she had said it things hadn't gone so well, Nariko was upset but she wasn't fucking stupid. That word was still off limits even if it was technically lingering around them.

"You didn't bring them to Gilead. They trusted me to deliver on something I'd preached for years, I didn't. You didn't lie to your grandmother, and promise to do whatever was necessary to make sure this line didn't end with me. That was me." Her family, in a sense, was absolutely nothing compared to Roland's, nothing compared to Eld, nothing to he or Bert or even Alain. But it was something to her. The Lunaes had survived this long because they kept away from the Affiliation, away from the White but never against it, either. It was her decision to try and push the two together that had ultimately lead to their death, and to whatever punishment waited back home. And there would be one. Roland just wasn't likely to be there to see it.

She couldn't take his decision to follow her and twist that. They'd gone over it before and there wasn't any use in rehashing it. And in just as many ways she also knew there was nothing to do about most all the things that pained her. She just needed to get it out of herself. "... I'm scared that Kaine won't come back with us." Her voice began to clear somewhat and the tension ebbed out of her muscles, she didn't lean on Roland so much as rest, now. The petting was doing its job. "And I can't make her, but I still don't like the idea."

[toweredingly]

Again, he was silent for a moment. He was bad at tenderness, but his voice was nonetheless almost soft when he did speak. "There'll be water if God wills it. I know you hate to hear it put that way, but it's no less true. Kaine may come back with us, or she may not. Maybe this is where your paths split. But if it is, then there's nothing you can do about it by worrying." He pulled away a little, one hand on her shoulder, to meet her eyes. "If this place is more important to her than what the two of you share, then she'll stay no matter what you say or do. It hurts, but all you'll do by lingering on the thought is to draw out the pain." He shook his head. "Though it seems to me that, between you and Bert, she's got plenty binding her to our path as it is."

[gunslingerqueen]

It did hurt. Even knowing that her feelings for Bert had grown into what they were now, and even knowing how tightly those emotions could bind a woman to a man (after all, Nariko was living that herself, wasn't she?), it still worried her. But for as much as it remained a dull ache in the back of her mind Roland was right about this, too. And he was certainly doing his best to soften the weight of it and the gravity of such a thing wasn't at all beyond her.

"If it'll be, it'll be." Which was only another variant of what Roland was so fond of saying. "Besides, it's impractical to want to protect her the whole time. Everyone has to learn how to stand on their own two feet." Even if that idea terrified Nariko to her bones. "You're actually very good at this, Roland."

Probably only when the conditions were right and the sun(s) was in the right position, of course, but that wasn't the aspect to focus on!

[toweredingly]

Roland leant in, brushing his lips against her forehead, and shook his head. "If I am," he said, rather grimly, "it's only because I'm well-practiced in those thoughts."

But he had no mind to dwell on that, and he doubted she wanted to either. He just brushed her hair back from her face, a small but gentle gesture, and gave her a little nod, holding out his kerchief. "Wipe your face. We ought to find the others and head back before too long. I mislike leaving Alain alone too long, with all he's been through."

[gunslingerqueen]

Why was it so like him to be unable to take a compliment? That was what she didn't need to think on too hard. But he had a good point, so she at least dealt with her stupid, watery eyes and the twin tracks left on her face. There was nothing to be done about the redness, that would have to go away with time.

"I wouldn't knowingly let anything hurt him." Even though it was said to Roland that didn't mean he was the true recipient. If anything it was what she wished she could have said to Bert without also following it up with a kick to his face. "They should be done by now, though. Matilda has to leave to take care of Aelious around this time so I doubt they've been held up." And that was a blessing. Even Nariko was ready to go back and, after being sure Alain really was fine, she would probably drop herself into bed again.

[toweredingly]

Roland nodded. "Sound enough," he agreed, taking his kerchief back and knotting it around his neck. For a moment, he let his fingers rest in her hair, and then he pulled away fully, offering his hand. A normal person might have asked if she was going to be all right, but Roland was hardly normal. Instead, he just said thoughtfully, "I'll have to go through the guns with Bert and Alain. Figure out which are good enough to be worth carrying. I'll take the rest back to Wei in the morning."

Nariko is only going first because I'm still at work and this ones shorter!

[gunslingerqueen]

Whether she would be alright or not relied on a variety of things so while she enjoyed his concern in a sense? No one had time for useless questions. She only relished as much contact as he gave her and looked at him curiously as he mentioned giving the guns back. "Huh, alright then. Are you planning on taking those two with you?" It seemed a little odd to her but not enough to put too much thought into.

Nariko took his hand, but squeezed it a tad harder than usual. "Roland, in this show of good husbandry you've forgotten to do one important thing!" He wasn't too creative but he could come up with it, right? Started with a 'k'!