He hadn't expected that. It showed in the slight widening of his eyes, in the slow blink, in the way his whole body shifted. For a moment, unusually, he couldn't find words.

At last, he looked back over his shoulder, running his hand over his mouth. He wanted to tell her now wasn't the time, but... when was, if not now? They were going to die here. Did he really want the last thing she heard from him to be a lie?

"I don't know," he said, his voice low, his eyes serious. "I'm not Roland, to fall in love so hard and so fast I can't miss it. And I'm not Alain, to always know what I'm feeling." He took a deep breath, meeting her eyes. "I know I like you. I know you're beautiful, and I know you made me feel peace when I was at my worst, and I know I don't want any harm coming to you. If that's love to you, sure, I love you. But I don't fucking know. And I probably never will. Now either pick up a gun, or go and join the other close-range fighters down behind the wall."