apassingafternoon | Love Me Not

They had gone about the path Bert described to her. Nearly two weeks along the perimeter of Gilead and the caves that hid here and there. Each discovery was an exercise in mental torture because the traveling itself wasn't enough, apparently. They either found nothing or the remains of what was once a person, gunslinger or otherwise. Neither option was any lighter on a group of men so hopelessly entrenched in understandable suffering. Kaine wasn't exactly a bastion of sunshine by the end of the first week but she began to look up a little as they began to circle back. It hadn't been discussed one way or the other yet but she couldn't help they were going to set off for their real destination very soon and it was difficult to feel anything but relief in that.

At least she hid it well, even as they made their way back towards the hideout. Their first passover had been a tense affair because it only made sense to check. It was a strangely angled little shack on a particularly steep hill. It would be difficult for any survivor to make their way up there but far from impossible. But Kaine had raised a fit to the point of hysterics, insisting that it be ignored.

No matter the consequences of said decision she didn't expect to hear a series of familiar, high-pitched noises. She stopped dead cold, eyes widening.

"Bert, did you -" Did he hear that? She couldn't slam the question out in time before it sounded again. "Holy shit," A delirious sort of grin took over her face. "That's a Guardian!"

Kaine stuck her curled fingers into her mouth and gave back a different rhythm of whistles, but she didn't wait for approval to start moving towards that disgusting shack.

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She raised her hand back first, and found herself wearing a rather triumphant smile. Maybe the victory itself was beginning to infect her too, because she was strangely proud of them, though vagrant, unnaturally focused dogs were well below their skill set. All the same she carried that positivity into her discussion with Ignis, which occurred on the other side of the shack, hardly an arms reach outside of it.

Inside, while the men talked Eunyce opened a book and read, only lifting her eyes when Tyrann finally returned to the world and jumped at the sight of unknown faces. It didn't seem to take much convincing that he was safe, to not worry about it all, but he was incredibly quick to get out a few moments before Roland would do the same.

And so that was how said man would find her, flanked by Ignis and his tall frame as well as Tyrann with his scarred face and nervous eyes. But upon realizing that they'd been joined both men shut their mouths as Kaine looked over at Roland.

"Feeling better about it?" She gave a humorless sort of laugh, "As much as anyone can be, I mean."

"As much as anyone can," he agreed, with a small nod. "They'll never shoot again, that's for damned sure. But they're alive, and that's not nothing."

It wasn't a lot, either. What would become of them now? Gunslingers who could no longer shoot, whose home and family were gone, whose purpose had been taken from them? But they were alive, and that was something. That was more than they had dared to hope.

"Bert wants to stay until the girl wakes up. I can't argue with him there. But we ought to move before too long. Gunfire draws attention, and that's the last thing we need."

"It's not as if she isn't coming with us," She shook her head, but she wouldn't argue with Bert about it either. Kaine turned to dismiss Ignis and Tyrann, and both returned to the shack quite obediently. "I guess it'd be bad to get going and then have her get sick or something." So for now it was fine. She looked out at the horizon, at the direction they had come from and then the one they would be heading towards.

"I know you're not very big on expanding on feelings and such," Pretty much none of the gunslingers were, at least she didn't hold it against Roland anymore. "But we'll be going back there soon." ... Okay, that question didn't come out as smoothly as she'd have liked.

"I mean, are you at least a little - y'know, happy?"

Roland was quiet for a long time. At last, he shrugged one shoulder, tucking his thumbs into his gunbelts and rocking back on his heels.

"Truly? I don't know. Mayhap." He looked away, frowning, at the little throng of gunslingers nearby. "More than aught else, I'm tired. And I'm not sure I can feel much more than that, just at the moment." Then, looking back at her, with the full intensity of those bombardier's eyes: "Answer enough for you?"

He could stare with the intensity of five million suns and she'd still give him her usual deadpan expression, the resting bitch face that so often convinced people that she wasn't very personable.

"You could talk for years and it still wouldn't be enough of an answer, Roland." Because even know she has to wonder if he chose the response that was true but not the one she was looking for, hinting at. Enough to be honest without putting himself in any form of danger, least of all emotional.

"But thank you for it, all the same." Because he could have ignored her entirely. She could still hate his guts. Knowing all that and a few other things she turned back to their view, which wasn't particularly inspiring one way or the other. When both girls were up and well, they'd be off, and Eunyce would kick up a fuss and probably refuse to come back, and Kaine might have to deal with that.

For the moment, however fleeting it might end up being, it was nice - almost soothing, to simply exist with Roland nearby.

Roland shrugged, turning away and looking out over the hills. He was quiet for a long time, his face set and still, before at last, without turning his head, he said quietly "We don't have enough horses. Not with Bert's leg in that state, not with more injured to carry. It's going to be a long journey."

"I can fix Bert's leg, and we can get horses, Roland. It's going to be long no matter what we do, but it doesn't have to be particularly difficult." She edged over to knock her fingers on his shoulder as if he were truly a door that needed to be opened. "We found your brothers, the girls are alive, and so are some Guardians. Personally I'm going to take that as a win."

She adjusted Excalibur along her back, heading back towards the shack, she couldn't help pausing. Maybe it was better to keep to herself, but: "Just don't-"

The right thing to say would always be the most difficult, so Kaine sighed, and interrupted herself. "Never mind."

If she told him to avoid going to Kyrat, to avoid going back to Nariko, it would inevitably split herself and Cuthbert. It had to. So for as wrong as it was Kaine shoved her doubt off to the side and headed back into the shack. "I'm going to heal him, so I'm guessing you'll be ready to go when the kids are!"

Love Me Not

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writes this tag ambiguously in case of necessary timeskip

sorry my tags are v. short and crappy lately idk why

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