apassingafternoon | Love Me Not

Love Me Not

They had gone about the path Bert described to her. Nearly two weeks along the perimeter of Gilead and the caves that hid here and there. Each discovery was an exercise in mental torture because the traveling itself wasn't enough, apparently. They either found nothing or the remains of what was once a person, gunslinger or otherwise. Neither option was any lighter on a group of men so hopelessly entrenched in understandable suffering. Kaine wasn't exactly a bastion of sunshine by the end of the first week but she began to look up a little as they began to circle back. It hadn't been discussed one way or the other yet but she couldn't help they were going to set off for their real destination very soon and it was difficult to feel anything but relief in that.

At least she hid it well, even as they made their way back towards the hideout. Their first passover had been a tense affair because it only made sense to check. It was a strangely angled little shack on a particularly steep hill. It would be difficult for any survivor to make their way up there but far from impossible. But Kaine had raised a fit to the point of hysterics, insisting that it be ignored.

No matter the consequences of said decision she didn't expect to hear a series of familiar, high-pitched noises. She stopped dead cold, eyes widening.

"Bert, did you -" Did he hear that? She couldn't slam the question out in time before it sounded again. "Holy shit," A delirious sort of grin took over her face. "That's a Guardian!"

Kaine stuck her curled fingers into her mouth and gave back a different rhythm of whistles, but she didn't wait for approval to start moving towards that disgusting shack.

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"...We should." The moment when he registered the others was clear; he tensed visibly, his eyes widening. Gods. What a godsdamned miracle! Not only the girls, but two others, two more of his brothers still in the world. He smiled, feeling more like himself than he had since this whole mess began, feeling some flutter of hope rising in his chest.

Letting go of Emily, he got to his feet - or at least tried to. His injured leg seized, and he collapsed back onto his knee with a grunt. "Fuck! Ah!" Then, reaching over, he put his hands belatedly over Emily's ears. "Forget you heard that."

"She's heard every word under the sun, gunslinger, I'm afraid you're beyond saving her ears." It was Eunyce who spoke first, and within the cramped space of the shack she took a seat at the makeshift desk. "A curse or two is the least of the bullshit that's gone on since everyone started disappearing and running for the hills."

That comment was directed at Kaine, who could only sigh and shake her head at that. "Well, everyone's about come back, so let's be grateful rather than bitchy."

... Bert would really do well to let go of any language concerns.

"We were told to scout for survivors, so that's what I did. I found the two girls on a horse, found Ignis and a gunslinger on his death bed, and another here with Tyrann when we arrived. They were badly injured so we've spent the last few days attempting to not die. That's about the gist of it."

Kaine rolled her eyes at the dour explanation but it was, in fact, a logical explanation for most everything they needed to know, so it wasn't worth a verbal complaint.

"Roland's going to want a report." Bert addressed the gunslingers, grimacing as he pushed himself to his feet with an obvious effort. "You want to be careful letting him know you're alive, though. You might accidentally make him smile, and I don't think the world can take that."

His own smile broke through then, pain notwithstanding, and he limped past the Guardians to pull each of the surviving gunslingers into a hug, kissing them soundly on the cheek. "Fuck me, we were about to give up. We owe those damned dogs our gratitude, I guess." Then, looking down at his bloodied leg, he pulled a face. "Though I'll hold off on thanking them. Uh, anyone got anything by way of bandages?" It wasn't as messy as it might have been, but it was deep, and still oozing blood. By now, that was starting to tell; he felt a little woozy.

"Get over here." Eunyce stood to give Bert her chair, and while he hobbled his way over she went to her singular bag and hauled it over. There wasn't a great amount of supplies left over but there was enough to disinfect the wound, clean it, and wrap it decently enough.

"So," From the corner Ignis spoke up, his tone measured and especially careful. "Roland is here, then." Eunyce seemed to flinch at the name while Kaine read the question that hid in those words.

"He is, Nariko and Alain should be in Kyrat by now." Kaine watched as both Guardians, cousins in their own right, looked at each other. Ignis' expression was easily read - it was an almost childish I told you so while Eunyce looked sick to herself.

"You can take the two girls, and I suppose if you've a true death wish, Ignis, I won't stop you." And with that she finished on Bert's leg, moving right on to the unconscious child. Kaine sighed and decided to ignore the clear line of tension between the two, there was nothing she could do about it in the moment, and so she looked at Cuthbert. "Should we get Roland in here, then?"

He would certainly want that report, and Kaine wasn't particularly eager to unpack whatever family issues were roiling under the surface until everyone was on the same general page.

"Thankee-sai." Bert gave Eunyce a winning smile, pushing himself to his feet, and cocked his head to one side. "They're still shooting," he observed, to Kaine. "Half a minute more, then I'll head out and get them." He didn't particularly want to interrupt the fighting. Not without a reason. It felt to him as though everyone involved could use a victory, even if it was only over brute animals.

"Is she going to be alright?" he asked, looking over Eunyce's shoulder at Alice's limp form, every inch the concerned parent. It would almost have been funny, except that for once in his life, he was deadly serious about his concern. He'd already lost one of Rebecca's girls. He wasn't sure he could take losing another.

Eunyce did not answer him immediately, in part because of his deep set concern. She took her time examining the sizable bump on the child's head, and took great care in laying Alice's unconscious body out on one of their sleeping mats. "It's a nasty hit, but I can't find any blood or excessive swelling, and she's responding well enough. If she doesn't wake in an hour then I'll be concerned, but for now I'll edge on the positive side."

And with someone as shrewd as Eunyce that was no small judgement. If Alice was doomed or she had reason to believe the girl had cracked her skull she would say about as much. Knowing that forced Kaine to relax properly, though she knew it may not be enough for Bert.

"Thank you for looking after them."

Bert relaxed visibly, though not entirely. "Thank fuck," he muttered, and raked a hand back through his hair. "And thankee, too, sai. I'm glad someone was around for them." No sarcasm, no wit. For the moment, his relief outweighed his incorrigible humour.

He looked up after a little while, and started limping towards the door. "They've stopped shooting," he observed, and paused for a moment with his hand on the door, counting off under his breath before he opened it.

Roland was on the doorstep, his hand outstretched for the handle. Perfect timing, Bert thought, a little smugly, and stepped aside. "Any of them left, Ro'?"

"Some of them turned tail." Roland looked up, pushing his hat back off his face. Then he saw the others in the hut, and for a moment, he swayed, the blood draining from his face, looking as though he might faint. "Fuck me. You're alive."

"Bert, I think you're right. I can feel the world struggling to handle the force of all this relief!" Namely Roland's, but for all of her own terrible humor she was glad. They needed something good to work off of, because for as tough as they all acted they were still men, still human. It was a well timed and needed reminder, in all honesty.

"You should all catch up. Ignis, let's go outside. And Eunyce," Said young woman was given a particularly stern look, though it didn't seem to fit Kaine's face correctly. "Be nice."

"I'm always nice, stop fretting."

Rolling her eyes, Kaine shook her head and left, freeing up a bit more space in the already cramped shack for the gunslingers to discuss what they needed in relative privacy. Eunyce, for her part, remained near the children and did a very good job of shutting out the gunslingers presence - or pretending to. Either way.

Outside, the other gunslingers had settled against a spur of rock. One of them had produced a pouch of tobacco from somewhere, and was rolling a smoke - he raised a hand to Kaine as she reappeared, and even at a distance, his surprise and joy at seeing that she wasn't alone was hard to miss.

Inside, Roland took a moment more to collect himself, then moved in to embrace the two men. His eyes were pricked with tears, and he didn't particularly care who saw it. Hunkering down, he dug for his own tobacco pouch, solicitously rolling a smoke for each of the injured gunslingers. Not until they were both well-settled with a cigarette burning down between their lips did his businesslike attitude return. Beckoning Bert to join their little huddle, he requested a report from each man in turn, rolling his own smoke as his listened.

It would be half an hour or more before he emerged, and although his dour expression hadn't much changed, there was something a little lighter in his step than there had been for some time. Even this small victory had been a much-needed relief.

She raised her hand back first, and found herself wearing a rather triumphant smile. Maybe the victory itself was beginning to infect her too, because she was strangely proud of them, though vagrant, unnaturally focused dogs were well below their skill set. All the same she carried that positivity into her discussion with Ignis, which occurred on the other side of the shack, hardly an arms reach outside of it.

Inside, while the men talked Eunyce opened a book and read, only lifting her eyes when Tyrann finally returned to the world and jumped at the sight of unknown faces. It didn't seem to take much convincing that he was safe, to not worry about it all, but he was incredibly quick to get out a few moments before Roland would do the same.

And so that was how said man would find her, flanked by Ignis and his tall frame as well as Tyrann with his scarred face and nervous eyes. But upon realizing that they'd been joined both men shut their mouths as Kaine looked over at Roland.

"Feeling better about it?" She gave a humorless sort of laugh, "As much as anyone can be, I mean."

"As much as anyone can," he agreed, with a small nod. "They'll never shoot again, that's for damned sure. But they're alive, and that's not nothing."

It wasn't a lot, either. What would become of them now? Gunslingers who could no longer shoot, whose home and family were gone, whose purpose had been taken from them? But they were alive, and that was something. That was more than they had dared to hope.

"Bert wants to stay until the girl wakes up. I can't argue with him there. But we ought to move before too long. Gunfire draws attention, and that's the last thing we need."

"It's not as if she isn't coming with us," She shook her head, but she wouldn't argue with Bert about it either. Kaine turned to dismiss Ignis and Tyrann, and both returned to the shack quite obediently. "I guess it'd be bad to get going and then have her get sick or something." So for now it was fine. She looked out at the horizon, at the direction they had come from and then the one they would be heading towards.

"I know you're not very big on expanding on feelings and such," Pretty much none of the gunslingers were, at least she didn't hold it against Roland anymore. "But we'll be going back there soon." ... Okay, that question didn't come out as smoothly as she'd have liked.

"I mean, are you at least a little - y'know, happy?"

Roland was quiet for a long time. At last, he shrugged one shoulder, tucking his thumbs into his gunbelts and rocking back on his heels.

"Truly? I don't know. Mayhap." He looked away, frowning, at the little throng of gunslingers nearby. "More than aught else, I'm tired. And I'm not sure I can feel much more than that, just at the moment." Then, looking back at her, with the full intensity of those bombardier's eyes: "Answer enough for you?"

He could stare with the intensity of five million suns and she'd still give him her usual deadpan expression, the resting bitch face that so often convinced people that she wasn't very personable.

"You could talk for years and it still wouldn't be enough of an answer, Roland." Because even know she has to wonder if he chose the response that was true but not the one she was looking for, hinting at. Enough to be honest without putting himself in any form of danger, least of all emotional.

"But thank you for it, all the same." Because he could have ignored her entirely. She could still hate his guts. Knowing all that and a few other things she turned back to their view, which wasn't particularly inspiring one way or the other. When both girls were up and well, they'd be off, and Eunyce would kick up a fuss and probably refuse to come back, and Kaine might have to deal with that.

For the moment, however fleeting it might end up being, it was nice - almost soothing, to simply exist with Roland nearby.

Roland shrugged, turning away and looking out over the hills. He was quiet for a long time, his face set and still, before at last, without turning his head, he said quietly "We don't have enough horses. Not with Bert's leg in that state, not with more injured to carry. It's going to be a long journey."

"I can fix Bert's leg, and we can get horses, Roland. It's going to be long no matter what we do, but it doesn't have to be particularly difficult." She edged over to knock her fingers on his shoulder as if he were truly a door that needed to be opened. "We found your brothers, the girls are alive, and so are some Guardians. Personally I'm going to take that as a win."

She adjusted Excalibur along her back, heading back towards the shack, she couldn't help pausing. Maybe it was better to keep to herself, but: "Just don't-"

The right thing to say would always be the most difficult, so Kaine sighed, and interrupted herself. "Never mind."

If she told him to avoid going to Kyrat, to avoid going back to Nariko, it would inevitably split herself and Cuthbert. It had to. So for as wrong as it was Kaine shoved her doubt off to the side and headed back into the shack. "I'm going to heal him, so I'm guessing you'll be ready to go when the kids are!"

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Love Me Not

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well that sure was the wrong journal

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writes this tag ambiguously in case of necessary timeskip

sorry my tags are v. short and crappy lately idk why

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