Hadn't thought that far. That was exactly like him and of all things it set a pitiful, but genuinely grateful smile on her face. It wobbled at the edges as more tears threatened her, but it was better than nothing, right? Even though it required a half seconds hesitation on her part Nariko took his hand, a little weakly at first, as if she suddenly wasn't sure about this contact despite how often they had gone beyond mere handholding. But in true fashion that went away too and she didn't just hold onto Roland, she half-crashed right into all of that ridiculous height and strength. This was almost humiliating, to finally let him see her breaking down at the roots, but the idea of anything else, and the realization that, yes, she had left him to just Kaine and Bert made any other response impossible.
"This is all stupid! Kaine's terrified and Bert hates everything and I want to punch him in the face as much as I want to hold him and I can't do either because I'm the reason you weren't there! We weren't there! And I don't know how to help you either and that's the worst part of it!" Here she actually managed to sniffle, not that it matched her angry-sad tirade in the least. "Actually, no, the worst of it is knowing that I'm the single worst heir apparent in a line of twenty-eight others who are all rolling in their damn graves! My family is as good as dead because of me and a third of the one I've got here can't stand me! Fuck Farson and fuck wars and fuck everything that decided that everyone had to run instead of stay in their homes! Well and truly drive rusty, diseased nails up their veins and make them fucking suffer for every instant they are alive because even then it won't come near to how utterly horrible I feel and how badly I want to just shoot something and I can't!"
The more she spoke the more thoroughly her fingers clenched at the back of his clothing, borrowed or otherwise. Her tone bounced wildly between unbearable sorrow and thriving anger, and sometimes both versions came together so well that, much like her own feelings, there was no telling which made her cry or which made her shake even as she held onto him.
"And now I look stupid because I hate crying. I fucking loathe crying! I'm supposed to be helping everyone not blubbering like a goddamn idiot and I'm sort of freaked out about Chris, okay?" Those issues didn't go together at all but by now her brain was dumping out everything that needed to go. But it was apparently done for the time being because she took her head from his chest long enough to wipe her eyes, but then went right back to almost hiding herself. Ka help this man if he thought that he needed to do anything but stay right where he was. But speaking of that: "And if you tell me this is all some grand plan I'll dropkick you right here! It might be true but the grand plan is horrible and fucked up!" So just, y'know, pet her hair.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2015-03-20 05:50 am (UTC)"This is all stupid! Kaine's terrified and Bert hates everything and I want to punch him in the face as much as I want to hold him and I can't do either because I'm the reason you weren't there! We weren't there! And I don't know how to help you either and that's the worst part of it!" Here she actually managed to sniffle, not that it matched her angry-sad tirade in the least. "Actually, no, the worst of it is knowing that I'm the single worst heir apparent in a line of twenty-eight others who are all rolling in their damn graves! My family is as good as dead because of me and a third of the one I've got here can't stand me! Fuck Farson and fuck wars and fuck everything that decided that everyone had to run instead of stay in their homes! Well and truly drive rusty, diseased nails up their veins and make them fucking suffer for every instant they are alive because even then it won't come near to how utterly horrible I feel and how badly I want to just shoot something and I can't!"
The more she spoke the more thoroughly her fingers clenched at the back of his clothing, borrowed or otherwise. Her tone bounced wildly between unbearable sorrow and thriving anger, and sometimes both versions came together so well that, much like her own feelings, there was no telling which made her cry or which made her shake even as she held onto him.
"And now I look stupid because I hate crying. I fucking loathe crying! I'm supposed to be helping everyone not blubbering like a goddamn idiot and I'm sort of freaked out about Chris, okay?" Those issues didn't go together at all but by now her brain was dumping out everything that needed to go. But it was apparently done for the time being because she took her head from his chest long enough to wipe her eyes, but then went right back to almost hiding herself. Ka help this man if he thought that he needed to do anything but stay right where he was. But speaking of that: "And if you tell me this is all some grand plan I'll dropkick you right here! It might be true but the grand plan is horrible and fucked up!" So just, y'know, pet her hair.
Or something.